Welcome one, welcome all to Horrible Films for Horrible People! This week I have a real disaster and it’s Apartment 1303! Apartment 1303 is a remake of a Japanese movie of the same name, unfortunately I never watched that one. However, I can bet my entire shoe collection plus the stores I bought them from that it’s better than this remake!
The film starts with a young woman named Janet Slate who wants to get away from her once famous but now always drunk mother (Rebecca De Mornay). As a result, she takes Apartment 1303 in the high rise Lake View Apartments building without even seeing it. Smart! Janet’s sister Lara (Mischa Barton) is naturally a bit annoyed that her sister would do something so impulsive. The first night is awful for Janet. Not only does she feel a presence in the apartment, but the building supervisor is trying to get in her underwear, and on top of all else, there’s a dead girl banging her head against the balcony glass window. The dead girl was supposed to be scary. But it wasn’t, especially when she’s getting tossed around like a beach ball.
For at least the first thirty minutes, we have to watch Janet’s horrible acting and outrageous, over-the-top facial expressions. I’ve never seen the actress who played Janet before; however, I really hope she’s a better actress in her other endeavors. I wonder if she was suffering from the flu or malaria when she acted in this one? Her character was beyond annoying; words cannot describe how aggravated I was with her. It seemed like she was stating to herself every bad thing that was happening while it was happening. Why does she need to tell us this? We have eyes.
There wasn’t any element of the film that I liked, nothing at all. The script was just terrible and corny. I knew I was in for a disaster in the first ten minutes. The plot was typical and predictable. The acting was so bad, especially due to Janet. It was exhausting how bad she was. I’m really concerned that Rebecca De Mornay took the role as Janet and Lana’s mother, Maddie Slate. Are times really that terrible? There’s no way she thought that the role was that good. Perhaps she was doing someone who was a part of the crew a favor. I have seen Mischa Barton in a couple of other films and she was not this bad. What happened, Mischa?
For all the perverts out there, there is a sex scene, but it was just dry and boring like the rest of the movie. So, don’t go into this one expecting much on that front.
There were plenty of scenes that were supposed to be scary and it looked like they really tried, but I found myself laughing out loud. At one point, I even paused it, re-watched the scene, then paused it again to show someone else so we could laugh together. Maybe if those “scary” scenes were actually scary and the characters were more developed, it could have been a decent film. The picture was about a ghost haunting an apartment but this ghost was cheesy. It’s like they kind of just threw her in the film because someone thought it would be oober cool.
I’m pretty sure that ghost films are supposed to be scary. The only thing scary in this film is that it was actually approved and put out in the world for viewers to endure. Overall, this movie made me sad for the horror genre. It’s ridiculous that someone put money and time into this film. I cannot and will not recommend this feature to anyone or anything. You’re welcome.
WICKED RATING: 1/10
Title: Apartment 1303
Director: Milan Todorovic
Writer(s): Marko Backovic
Stars: Mischa Barton, Rebecca De Mornay
Studio/ Production Co: 1303 Productions, Monte Cristo Entertainment
Length: 85 Minutes