I was keen to watch an independent horror film that was fully funded on Kickstarter. Unfortunately. the experience did not meet my expectations.
Before I dive into this film I want to say that I’ve been watching horror films for as long as I’ve been alive. I absolutely love them. My point being, that I don’t want to come off as a terrible person or a traitor to the genre. I love horror films but as a critic, I must be honest and the honest truth is that this film was a complete mess.
Muck opens with a half naked dirty girl in the Everglades, screaming and splashing around in muddy water. She then meets up with four other people. They’ve just escaped something God awful however it’s unknown to the viewer what actually happened because writer/director Steve Wolsh didn’t really bother with any exposition. The five friends eventually find shelter at an abandoned house. One of them, named Noah decides to run into town to find help. Not sure why he doesn’t have a phone. It’s crazy because you can’t go anywhere without seeing people glued to their devices. Anyway, one of the friends is badly injured, and another is half naked and insists on taking a sexy shower. Noah, being all brawn and no brains decides to run into town alone leaving his beloved girlfriend behind with no weapons or protection whatsoever.
Once Noah gets into town, he arrives at bar filled with skanky, drunken women with fake breasts and terrible taste in the clothing. Instead of going to the bartender and asking to use the phone, he goes into the bathroom to wash himself up and turn his shirt inside out. I found his priorities insanely out of whack. Once he leaves the bathroom he goes to the bar so he can order some shots and he even starts flirting with one of the badly dressed women. While he’s doing that his friends are trying to defend themselves from a group of pale, bald, stinky, albinos with hatchets. At this point, I began questioning everything: Who are these bald men? Why are they attacking? Why can I see that they’re wearing skull caps? Why can’t they say anything other than the name of their leader, who happens to be Kane Hodder? And the most important question of all: Why am I still watching this? Your friends are cold and hurt yet you decide to freshen up, have a couple of shots and take selfies with a bimbo. R
The director tries to keep the audience alert by peppering in scenes of dirty and or bloody women either in their underwear with their breasts bouncing around or stripping in front of the mirror. On average, there is a naked girl onscreen every 15 minutes. The primary reason I watch horror films is to be scared not for copious amounts of nudity. Is that just me? Eventually, they all end up back at that house where it seems like there are an infinite number of angry, pale, bald, shirtless albino men coming out and attacking them. Oh and for some reason these bald men are intent upon ripping off the clothing of whomever they are fighting, male or female, they do not discriminate. In the third act, the survivors find themselves in a terrible situation and then the film ends. Apparently the reason why it began and ended the way it did is because of an upcoming sequel, Muck: Feast of Saint Patrick however I have no desire to see it.
I have no idea what Muck is supposed to be however I do know that it isn’t a good movie. It’s not ironic, it’s not clever, and it’s not entertaining It’s unfortunately just stupid.
In spite of all the film’s flaws, I do have to give the director props for the RED camera he used because it looked awesome. But that’s it. There is no storyline, the characters were just dirty, naked and oily. They had no arc. I’m not sure if Mr. Trosh is a horror fan but horror films require more than supple breasted naked women. His filmmaking ideals would perhaps be better suited for the adult film industry.
Overall, do yourself a favor and avoid Muck. It’s one of worst films I have ever seen. And to those people trying to call it so bad it’s good, I kindly disagree. The scale of stupidity of this movie has surpassed all films I have ever seen. Skip it.
WICKED RATING: 1/10
Director: Steve Wolsh
Writer(s): Steve Wolsh
Stars: Jaclyn Swedberg, Lauren Francesca
Studio/ Production Co: Universal Studios Sound Facilities
Length: 90 Minutes