Welcome to Horrible Films For Horrible People. This week, in honor of St Patrick’s Day, I will be reviewing Shrooms! When will kids learn that going on a trip to do drugs and have wild sex is clearly a death wish?!
The film starts out by introducing us to our main girl, Tara, a blonde-haired, Catholic school girl who decides to rebel and get ‘turnt up‘ with the rest of her friends. The group sets out for a hot and sexy time doing shrooms in the Irish wilderness. Even though Tara is denying it to everyone, she’s really gong on this trip to see her ex-boyfriend, Jake. The kids leave the airport. Tara drives until she accidentally hits a goat or some kind of animal. For some reason, the dirty locals yearn to eat the creature for dinner.
Soon, the kids arrive in the woods where they will be staying. Jake makes everyone give up their cell phones because that’s always a great idea when you’re in the middle of nowhere and civilization isn’t around for hundreds of miles! Seriously, Jake says it’s so they will not do anything to embarrass themselves while they’re tripping out on shrooms. Jake locks the cell phones in the car and hands the keys to Bluto. Bluto in this film is played by the boy from the second Step Up film. Thank God he’s not dancing in this one. Instead, his character is supposed to be the annoying, buff jock and his girlfriend doesn’t even care for him. Every time he opened his mouth, it made me wonder why he even had friends.Finally, Jake takes the group out to look for mushrooms and along the way he informs them not to take “Death’s Head Shroom”, which is rumored to have been used in the middle ages. This particular shroom inflicts pain and everything awful onto people. On the other hand, according to legend, if the person digesting the shroom survives, he will be able travel to different dimensions, talk to the dead and even see the future. This doesn’t sound so bad, huh? Well, we cut to Tara who is separated from the group because she’s spying on her other two friends. She trips and falls near mushrooms, and of course, out of all the mushrooms she decides to eat, she picks the ugliest one which is of course the Death’s Head Shroom! This mushroom has a round black dot right at the top of it, which looks like a monkey’s burnt nipple, but Tara still eats it. Immediately, she begins spazzing out but Jake uses CPR and magically cures her. After Jake saves her, Tara says she predicted him saving her.
Throughout the film, the only effect this shroom had on Tara was enabling her to see the future. She wasn’t talking to anyone from the dead nor was she traveling to any type of other dimension, which would have really rocked my socks.
Anyway, we fast forward to night. Jake is telling a ghost story about a Catholic school in the area where a horrid teacher abused children. One day, a kid was pushed way too far and slipped a bunch of Death’s Head mushrooms into his soup, causing him to kill pretty much everyone at the school. The point of the story is that the boy comes during shroom season to kill people.
This film was essentially about bunch of horny, loser teens wandering alone in the woods and honestly, it just wasn’t anything special. This picture did have potential to be amazing, but it fell short. They were constantly splitting up for no apparent reason, and the black hooded reaper creature wasn’t scary; it was just blah. At one point, I was actually happy that the last friend died because that mean’t the film would finally be over. The kills were never really shown, which was a major miss on the director’s part because the majority of horror fans watch horror films for the kills. There is a twist at the ending. However, a twist should be shocking and unexpected but this twist was yawn inducing.
Overall I didn’t hate the film, but I definitely didn’t like it at all. It is totally skippable. If I learned one thing from this film, it’s to never give the keys to the loser who is going to die first. That is all.
WICKED RATING: 2/10
Director: Paddy Breathnach
Writer(s): Paddy Breathnach
Stars: Lindsey Haun, Jack Huston,
Studio/ Production Co: Capitol Films
Length: 84 Minutes
Sub-Genre: Horror, Mystery, Thriller