2025’s horror comedy OnlyFangs is now streaming for free!
Simply put, OnlyFangs is a movie that was DESTINED for Tubi.
The 2025 horror comedy helmed by the duo of Paul Ragsdale and Angelica de Alba is the kind of softcore genre outing we’re seeing less and less of these days. OnlyFangs is the type of film that would’ve played on The Movie Channel at like 3 in the morning back in 1999 — a movie that’s all titillation and excess, that makes no bones about its prurient roots and aspirations. It’s neo-Jim Wynorski material, through and through; if you want nudity, blood and really bad jokes about cryptids, OnlyFangs gives all of it to you in style.
Now that it’s on Tubi, I feel like OnlyFangs can truly find its audience. It’s a movie that plays out like a harder edged Vamp or Fright Night II, with plenty of sensual stuff that’s sure to rankle just as many viewers as it arouses. Some people are going to love this movie, some people are going to hate it. Either way, you probably won’t be bored watching it — which is no small accomplishment, considering its relatively lengthy two-hour runtime.
As the name implies, OnlyFangs is a vampire movie about sex work. Or maybe it’s a sex work movie about vampires. Or maybe it’s a parody of both kinds of subgenre films. All I know is that there’s a lot more sociopolitical humor in the film than you might not expect. Sure, you might tune in for all of the bare flesh and cameos by veteran porn starlets, but underneath the aesthetics there’s a real story here about conspiratorial right wing politics … kinda, sorta. This might take a while to explain.
I’m not going to lie to you and tell you OnlyFangs is on par with Citizen Kane. Or even the first Good Burger movie, for that matter. But you have to admire the filmmakers behind it for sticking to their morals. It’s a movie about a coven of vampires who decide to monetize their bloodlust, which in turn helps finance their inevitable vengeance plan against the evil old white dude responsible for them being bloodsuckers in the first place. Nobody’s going to accuse OnlyFangs of having the most original premise in horror movie history, but hey, if the recipe works, it just plain works.
Kansas Bowling is basically the main character of the movie. She’s kinda like a modern day exploitation movie version of Dakota Fanning, not just in appearance, but in terms of gravitas. The rest of her vampire clan is largely made up of contemporary scream queen royalty like Jessa Flux and Meredith Mohler. They know what their strengths and limitations are as actresses — thankfully, this is a rare modern day shlocker where nobody in the cast purposely overacts for comedic effect. Sometimes, all the cast has to do is look chic while strolling by an abandoned Toys R Us building in slow motion — and I hope you really like slow motion scenes, because this film has a TON of them.
If you’re looking for actual substance and subtext, OnlyFangs might surprise you. The male lead, played by veteran exploitation horror dynamo Drew Marvick, is a wannabe internet conspiracy guru who winds up getting caught up in an actual right wing conspiracy theory because … well, you need an excuse for SOMETHING to happen, right? It’s worth paying close attention to some of the dialogue exchanges, folks. The lines are actually pretty clever and even have a message about today’s always-online, tinfoil-hat-sporting masses that’s more important to hear than ever. It’s not an intensely political film, but it IS a political film all the same. Sorta.
The expanded cast is pretty good, and even includes an extended cameo from ‘80s adult video queen Ginger Lynn Allen (who, sure enough, has a memorable sapphic scene featuring co-star Kristy Adams.) If you’re wondering how the filmmakers managed to stretch all of this out into a nearly two-hour long production, well, the answer is pretty evident; to finance the movie, people paid to have shared screen cameos within the film itself. Naturally, this does impact the flow and pacing of the film quite a bit. But hey, the checks cleared, didn’t they?
OnlyFangs isn’t high art, and we all recognize that. It’s a throwback piece of horror erotica that mostly floats by on its own merits. Sure, it has its doldrums and slow points, but they never drag on for too long, thankfully. And hey, some of the jokes are actually, genuinely, unironically funny — and not in a smarmy, self-reflexive way, either.
I doubt anyone’s going to mistake this movie for Near Dark or John Carpenter’s Vampires. It’s corny, it’s cheesy, it’s campy, it’s very tongue in cheek stuff. But it’s not lazy or disingenuous material. There’s real talent behind the camera and in front of it and it’s obvious that the filmmakers wanted to imbue the film with more than just ample T and A. Maybe calling it a feminist vampire movie is stretching it, but it’s not exactly the heterosexual male gaze extravaganza you might anticipate.
You never really know what’s going to become a cult classic, but I get the feeling that OnlyFangs will inevitably have some kind of following in the years ahead. It definitely taps into the late stage MAGA zeitgeist better than most horror movies these days and you really can’t deny the appeal of the ensemble cast. Even as shameless eye candy it’s still more artistic and ambitious than most flicks of the sort. It’s a movie that knows its audience, and if you can’t enjoy sultry vampire women going cosmic bowling and killing it with their meticulous batwing-style eyeliner in virtually every scene, I’m not sure what you’re even doing on Tubi in the first place. And don’t even get me started on the arcade scene — those are some rad pinball games in the background, and a hella great spot for a retro throwback pinup photo shoot.
