Holidays like Father’s Day have become nothing more than a Hallmark goldmine. They sell their cards full of drivel explaining what makes the perfect dad, and stores capitalize on your need to present your love with materialistic things by stocking their up on endless amounts of stuff that your dad will probably never use. With the hoopla that surrounds the celebration of dad, we seem to have lost sight of what is most important in a father: His looks. A good looking man is one thing, but a good looking father is everything. In honor of that, Wicked Horror is taking a look at some of the hottest dads in horror movies.
Zach McCall in Devil’s Due
Technically Zach is a dad-to-be, but his boy-next-door good looks earned him a spot on the list. Although he is incredibly stupid, and put up with his baby mama’s bullshit for far too long, at least he was sensitive and completely adorable while doing so. Zach is the perfect husband (aside from taking his wife to a seedy warehouse at the advice of a cab driver) and he would have made the perfect father, if his baby wasn’t intended for the devil.
The only thing that you need to remember about George Lutz from 2005’s remake of The Amityville Horror is that he is shirtless and chopping up wood for a majority of the movie. That’s right—abs on abs for days. And coincidently enough, George’s abs are probably the most memorable thing about the remake of The Amityville Horror. He’s hot, guys. Like really, really hot. And occasionally funny—sometimes abusive—but overall, he’s a pretty decent guy. Getting to watch him sweat and walk around without a shirt on is a win for all.
Mmm, did somebody say beard? Because George Lutz from 1979’s The Amityville Horror has a whole lotta beard. That’s right lades, you know exactly what that means. Actually, I’m not sure if I even know what that means. But this George Lutz is similarly very strong, slightly less shirtless, but also into chopping up wood and yelling at kids. He’s rugged and super into doing thangs (with an A) around the house. His deep voice and long stern stares into the distance—or into Margot Kidder’s unbalanced eyes—are enough to make anyone drool.
Jack Taggart is a man who knows how to handle a gun—a really big gun. And a man who can handle a big gun can handle just about anything else, if you know what I’m saying. He’s dedicated and a little overzealous when it comes to killing a creature that seemingly cannot be killed, but that’s ok. All of his craziness subsides the moment you see his pearly-white smile and enticing stare. Plus he has a really amazing tan.
Jerry Blake sure can clean up nice. It’s no surprise that he was able to weasel his way into another family so quickly after slicking back his hair, shaving his face and getting rid of the glasses. He is a conman, after all, and he knows how to present himself as a person you would want in your life. Yeah, so he’s a psychotic murderer with no human emotions, but some chicks (and dudes) are into that. Those things don’t take away from his outer beauty, for which there is plenty.
Is there anything sexier than a successful man? Robert Thorn had it all: a beautiful wife, an amazing job, and the perfect child. When his son turned out to be the spawn of Satan, Robert’s luck went downhill; however, he maintained his classical movie star good looks. His strong jawline and deep brows made his facial features pop, and he is always perfectly dressed like an American diplomat is meant to be. He might have a small problem with lying to his wife and making life-altering decisions without her, but he was just trying to make her happy.
Dad Meiks in Frailty
The overly-religious thing might scare most people off, but Dad Meiks is just extremely passionate about his beliefs. While one of his sons thinks he is crazy, Dad Meiks never wavers from his mission to rid the world of evil. And for that, he is sexy…Scary sexy. Not to mention, he looks really hot holding an axe.
I think there is something attractive about a man who isn’t afraid to cry and wear his heart on his sleeve. Sure, Louis Creed goes a little overboard due to undying grief, and he isn’t one to learn from his actions. But at least he can love something that much—right? He’s tall, dark and handsome, has an amazing smile, and he’s a family man. His love for his family may be his downfall, but who friggin’ cares when he has the looks of Elvis mixed with JFK Jr?! Swoon.
It’s completely understandable that an old lady ghost wants to possess Josh Lambert. Have you seen him? Because if you have eyes (and if you are reading this, I’m assuming you do), you can see that Josh is ridiculously good looking. Those pouty lips and blue eyes are most likely what caught the eye of his wife Renai—and the spirits in The Further. Those are some serious eyes. Moreover, he’s selfless and cares about his son enough to risk his life to save him, which is another attractive quality—if you’re into that sort of thing.
Sean Brenner has a rugged, but attractive look about him. It says, “I just spent the night drinking at the local dive bar and slept behind a dumpster” but in a mysterious and alluring sort of way. He has that bad boy quality—or the appearance of being a bad boy—that ladies love so much. Oh, and he’s another father who cares about his kid, so that’s a plus.
Ellison Oswalt makes grandpa sweaters look good. Sure, he’s a little washed up and nosy, but he can rock a really amazing “bed-head” hairdo better than any girl I know. He has a permanently concerned look on his face, but it just makes his cheekbones stand out. His look is effortless—somewhat stoner chic—giving off a laid-back vibe that makes you want to ‘get to know’ him .
David Drayton is so dreamy. He’s an artist, so you know that he’s sensitive, and his reasoning and communication skills make him a natural-born leader. While his ability to lead others is sexy enough, David’s face is pretty damn nice to look at too. Plus, he’s smart, he’s sweet, and he really cares about his son. While his thinking and compassion for others work against him in the end, his cry-face wasn’t that unfortunate-looking, so it wasn’t all bad.
Never has a microwave looked better than when it was being used by John in The Last House on the Left. He’s a man who knows what to do with his hands (wink, wink) and he can be very creative, especially when avenging the rape of his daughter. It’s almost sweet, in a way. Like, “You rape my daughter, I’m going to brutally murder you while the top button to my shirt is undone, exposing my chest hair.” If I had to be tortured by anyone, I think I would like it to be John Collingwood because he is so damned easy on the eyes.
I need a moment to put my love for Leo into words. If there was such a thing as “the perfect man,” Leo would be it. Good God, he is attractive. He’s a DILF, if you will. Sure, he has some major issues because of his son’s death, but the guy is more prepared than a boy scout. And there’s nothing I love more than a guy who is ready for a purge. Also, he knows how to fight. He’s smart, clever, and funny at all the right moments. He’s a little rough around the edges, but hey, there are plenty of people who are into damaged goods—especially his. I would be happy to endure a purge night as long as I could spend it with Leo.
He may have lost his mind and tried to murder his family with an axe, but there is no denying that Jack Torrance is an attractive and charming man—why else would Wendy have put up with his antics and stayed with him for so long? He’s intelligent, charismatic, and dedicated to his work. Yes, he occasionally drinks too much, but who wouldn’t in a stressful situation like caring for the Overlook Hotel? His smile—along with his signature brow raise—can bring a room back to life, which is why I’m convinced the spirits of the Overlook chose him as their caretaker.
Honorable mention to Christopher Da Silva (Silent Hill), Doug Bukowski (The Hills Have Eyes ’06), and Noah (The Ring), all hotties in their own right. If any of these dads need a new baby mama (and many of them do), I would gladly step in. I may not watch your children or have any maternal instincts, but at least I know a good thing when I see one. To all of the father’s out there, I salute you. Put that on a Hallmark card.